Love You Better (with more than just flowers)

Love you better

During the chill of winter, the kind of self-care we are encouraged to engage in is not always available. The world is pretty upside down right now and financial security is a concern for many, rest and time off is a luxury. Instead of entertaining the pressure to self-care, we can try to take some steps toward self-love, which can provide a mental and emotional rest. Here are three ideas for a different kind of self-caring:

1.  Honour self-acceptance

A lot of clients talk to me about feeling judged. Once we start exploring that perception, we notice that a big source of judgement comes from the self. How often are we concerned about being perfect at something, or worry about what others think? Studies by Kristin Neff (2015) on self-compassion show that by accepting our flaws and imperfections as naturally human, we can take a path to greater emotional resilience. Embracing self-acceptance, helps to free us from the draining cycle of self-doubt.

2. Celebrate your unique and authentic identity

Imagine if you enthusiastically embraced your passions, quirks and eccentricities? Instead of downplaying the things that make us unique, what if we celebrated them? Too often we try to fit into the expectations we feel from others instead of living fully into who we are. Studies show that building confidence and self-worth comes from living authentically (Wood et al., 2008) leading to greater happiness. If we can break out of the mold and into our true selves, we experience a greater sense of well-being.

3. Find reasons for festivity and joy

Joy can be built into your life and does not have to be earned. Finding small reasons to celebrate with others or even alone can reduce stress (Lyubomirsky, 2007). Seeking out glimmers (Dana, 2018), can be a simple practice to calm the nervous system, create a sense of safety, and stimulate joy. Once you remember the small things that bring peace like petting your cat, smelling a favourite flower, listening to a song, or feeling the sun on your face, you can intentionally notice the joy that accompanies your life on a regular basis.

Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. WW Norton & Company.

Godwin, Lindsey. (2025). 3 Lessons About Self-Love: What a Groundhog Day visit to Punxsutawney taught me about self-acceptance. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/possibilitizing/202502/3-lessons-about-self-love

Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin.

Neff, K. (2015). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow Paperbacks.